In honor of the Oscars, I felt it was only right to share my feelings on this year’s nominations. Too bad I only saw one of them.

So new plan. Let’s rank all of Leo DiCaprio’s movies instead. This would have been such a great idea last year – what with The Revenant – but what can you do?

Overall thoughts on Leo DiCaprio: shit, he’s been in a lot of movies. I thought I’d seen a fair amount of his work, but wow was I mistaken. I haven’t even heard of some of these. Jesus, I really am a terrible film student.

I sense that you may definitely disagree with my list. I am certainly not at all qualified to make it. But hey, if you don’t like it, make your own.

1. Inception (2010)

inception_2010_theatrical_posterBefore film school, I thought this movie was amazing. I thought the premise was genius and the performances were all so strong – not that I knew much about that sort of thing. I used to write fight scenes listening the score. I’ll give them that, it’s a solid soundtrack. I’m not saying Inception was objectively Leo’s best role, but out of the 6 I’ve seen, the only one I’d watch again.

2. Titanic (1997)

titanic_posterSome of you are probably wondering why the hell Inception beat out Titanic for the #1 slot. That’s fair, and I will say that considering how little I enjoy romantic films, I liked Titanic very much. The Sinking scene always gets to me – so chilling and so tragic. But the credit there goes to the director, the production designers, the editors, and the extras (looking at you, guy-bouncing-off-the-propeller), not Jack Dawson. He’s a perfectly functional love interest, but nothing special. Rose is a far more interesting character, maybe if this was Kate Winslet’s list the movie would’ve done better. Then again, I haven’t seen much of her work either.

P.S., I am of the unpopular belief that Leo could not fit on the wooden door, but I do think that they could have taken turns.

3. Shutter Island (2010)

shutter-islandI have fond memories of this movie. A childhood friend wanted me to see it so she could gush about this crazy plot twist. We huddled together on the stairs inside her house with her dad’s laptop in front of us. We draped a fuzzy blanket over our heads to block out the cheery sunlight – my idea to set a more foreboding ambiance (didn’t work). Fun pop-corn flick just like Inception, pretty scary, and teenage-me thought the plot twist was pretty darn smart. Upon reflection, I have more conflicting feelings about Dolores – the wife’s – part in the film, since that storyline feels like an unfair appropriation of the Andrea Yates case, which is why it’s ranked a little lower on the list.

4. Romeo and Juliet (1996)romeo-n-juliet

Sorry, Romeo plus Juliet. I’ve watched it a few times for class, and sorry, I don’t understand the hype. I thought the Shakespearean dialect was stiff and not that engaging. However, I’m not a fan of Shakespeare anyway, so you know, different strokes for different folks.

5. The Revenant (2015)

the_revenant_2015_film_posterI get why Leo won for this movie, but holy crap it’s so boring. It’s so long. Does it have to be that long? And, listen I know it’s a difficult acting role, but the story itself is pretty weak, just your basic revenge plot. What frustrates me the most is that the only female character (aside from the dead wife who doesn’t contribute much anyway) is a rape victim. And her only purpose is to stop her tribespeople from killing Leo in the end of the movie? Come on, guys.

6. The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

wolf-of-wall-streethate this movie. It celebrates this gross, misogynistic, ego-centric lifestyle. Leo’s character is a glorified asshole, and while I appreciate unlikable antiheroes, I need to see them struggle. Their shit has come back to bite them in ass. Not so for Jordan Belfort. After his career takes off, he rides wave after wave of success, leaving him with an abundance of money, drugs, and sex. There’s no real obstacle to overcome, just a shitty guy who got lucky and got real rich.

Disclaimer, my passionate hatred for this film doesn’t translate to the actor. I’m sure Leo’s a perfectly nice guy.

Cheers Leo, wherever you are. Hope your Oscar gets a buddy someday.

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